The Hillary Aha!

She was about to begin her speech at the podium. Bill behind her. The crowd cheering, and as usual, never fails, here comes “The Point” of a finger into the crowd and an “Aha!” —as though someone “out there” in the audience is a personal friend, a person of merit. In this case, Bill, instead of Hillary, points to someone “out there” and whispers to Hillary.. Hillary is focused on something else, but follows Bills lead and takes a look at “somebody” “Out There”- Aha!!! Wow! She beams and nods, Yes Bill! I see! It’s wonderful!! There “They” are or “It’ is-!! An intimate moment between the two of them indicating to audience and press that they have a supportive and remarkable “someone” in the audience. The moment ends. As she shifts from the Aha! and Wow! back to her speech, Hillary’s face turns to stone.. a mini-second of stone, a stolid reptilian nano-second of deadness before she refocuses on her prepared speech.

The Suspicious Evoke Suspicion

He always closes the window shades.I open them, he closes them. Why are you closing the shades? It’s daytime. – I don’t want anybody looking in, knowing my business. –
Nobody cares about your business. What business? You’re eating a sandwich? It’s noon. Lunch time. What’s wrong with eating a sandwich? – None of anybodies business about my sandwich.
No daylight in the apartment. Shaded sunlight, the outside is the enemy. Provokes a suffocation. encourages Agoraphobic. And you can’t see the dust, the dirt, the bits of dry dog food, stain on a shirt, dried soup drops on the counter. Can’t see the real.
I keep my shades open, summer, winter, night, day, city, country. I want to see OUT to see what’s looking in. I want to see what’s coming, if anything. Always preferred a house high on a hill, or a skyscraper apartment, ten floors up. I like an expanse. Do I care if people look in? Why should I? I can see them looking in. They aren’t going to look in if they know I’m looking out. Evening, turn on the porch lights, solves the problem.

I am suspicious of those who are suspicious. They must look in windows themselves. Is their self consciousness ego-based? Do they consider themselves worthy of being observed? It’s a strange phenomena and gives me the creeps. Anybody have an ideas?

Loss is Gain!!

Congratulations! You didn’t win the lottery. Instead you had severals days, or at least a few hours to imagine what you would do with lots of money. Your fantasies are of value because you can make them come true anyway. Maybe you wanted to buy an island. Well, go to an island. Can’t afford to go to an island? Sell everything you’ve got and move to an island. Have too many commitments to move to an island? Quit your job, take your family with you, and move to an island. Sure it will be more difficult to move to an island without millions of dollars, but it will be more exciting and take every ounce of your creative brilliance. Once you get to the island, you’ll realize that you don’t have to own it, you just have to live there….
More likely you fantasized on how many friends and family members you could bail out. I don’t need to explain how you can bail them out anyway in more personal, valuable ways. – or less valuable ways. There is something in your apartment, closet, recipe book or mantle that a friend would cherish. You damn well know it already but you don’t want to let it go. So much for your “help your friends” fantasy!
Passion, courage, blind optimism, madness are your birthright. Each one worth a billion in and of themselves. The many gifts in the loss of the lottery include a message sent from your soul to your brain:– This is what I long for.– Your mind has long told you your dreams are irrational and impossible to manifest without big bucks. But here they are: brought to the forefront by a lottery ticket: your Dreams. Your gift this morning, in lieu of cash: the reality that you must take a huge risk if you’re going to get what you want… and the truth that, in reality, you have nothing to lose.

SnOw WHAT?

What’s with the snow fanaticism? What has happened? Please somebody explain it to me. Is it the weather channels? It’s snowing. It snowed all my life in Vermont. I don’t think we ever knew when it was going to snow. We didn’t think about it, ever. We assumed it would snow in the winter, in fact, we were so certain of it that we did not think about it until it snowed and then we played in the snow or went skiing or stayed inside and played monopoly. We had shovels and we shoveled the drive-way. It snowed again and we shoveled again. When we figured out that it was going to snow a lot, we didn’t go to school. We didn’t go to work. We guessed that we shouldn’t drive anywhere. Nobody had to tell us to stay home. We had houses with heat and a roof. If there was an emergency, like running out of beer, our cars had snow tires. We only took pictures of the snow when it reached approximately five feet. The snow eventually melted, and then it was spring, then summer, then autumn. Then it snowed again.

Missouri Loves Company!

Always making fun of the Fly-Over States, and although I’ve considered Missouri a Stop-Over State, this place is growing on me. Prepared to hate it, conditioned to hate it, feeling smart enough and worldly enough to hate it, I don’t hate it. St. Louis especially. Easy living, cheap rent, cheap food, good pizza, Plenty of art, jazz, cafes, restaurants, a great symphony, designer cinemas… and an ever growing artists community. No cluster fucks in the traffic lanes, no potholes, no snotty attitudes. A rust belt city on the decline, it hasn’t hit bottom yet so it isn’t Detroit, and they seem to have wised up to the fact that attracting artists with live-work spaces is good for the city. After all, what choice do they have? Providence still thinks it has a choice.  They treat artists, for the most part, with suspicion, unless you graduated from RISD or Brown. The no neck shiny suits, the ones who weren’t sent down the river, still put the bottom line at the top of their spread sheets and the bottom line apparently now reads, Stadi-dum in Downtown.

But I don’t want to make comparisons. I dislike territorial snobbery or the reverse. The aforementioned qualities of this place are the least of it. What is unfathomable to me is their nonplused attitude towards my personality, lifestyle and fashion sense. They don’t seem to notice anything askew. I can easily detect a discerning eye, negative or otherwise, and these people, well, 99 percent of them, treat me as one of the crowd. I find this bizarre. On the East Coast, from Maine to Florida- I observe a slight twitch in the cheek, a half raised eyebrow…. not to mention outright rumor mongering blacklisting. Yes, they fawn  bohemianism in order to be politically correct and considered hip, but underneath the pasty lip lined smiles and ascots, they are uncomfortable.  I think I know why. The East is so competitive and expensive that nobody has the time, money or patience to deal with The Other. To take a real risk. To open their doors without propriety. They are on the defense and rightly so. They’re bullshit with bills, freaked out with finances.

Here, in the midwest… people aren’t so fearful. They’ve lost most everything the rest of the country considers worth having, or never had it in the first place (an ocean view?)  The reckless abandon inherent in having nothing to lose… it’s a selling point!!  If I lived here and I saw a plane overhead I’d say, keep flying over…keep going…bye bye!


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Dr. L.H. Casey, Therapist